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Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips
He's got back spasms.
- That's from high school. - Yeah, I know. I think it says a lot about me.
- What? - We're not on spring break.
- Um, maybe we should turn this off. - Not a chance.
Do you realize what that'll do to the balance of power in our homes? Do you?
Oh, relax. Come on, they can't hear us.
- I don't get the whole fake-boob thing. - What don't you get?
Might help your rap with the ladies at the pool later.
...this could never be more than what it just was.
Oh. I love Brazilian granite. How come I don't have Brazilian granite?
Class act.
I don't like that my daughter needs someone to sleep with her every night.
Hey! Hey!
Enough to break the ice. Hi, Fred Searing.
You know what? Um, honestly, I'd prefer not to have anything in print.
Large-mouth vaginae?
First we want Willie to tighten it up.
- Two Splendas. - Okay.
There's a part of me that's like:
...they'll start thinking that we need them to get laid.
What the hell was that?
...but we were only in there for two minutes before your boss went ballistic.
...banging all the women there.
Honey, you and I
Those are the facts of the situation.
Lmaooo
She came on to me?
This thing looks pretty good, though. I like this. Change your life.
Fifty bucks, maybe?
- That'll put a bit of lead back in the pencil. - I got a better idea.
yes maoindgskyperupe flonterette? what do you want? i want to flumper the reverettes in burmbury.
What are you doing here?
Brian looks like admiral dipshit!
- ...where it's just you and me. It would be-- - You gotta be kidding.
...we just fake everything.
Oh, yeah.
- Little man. Scram. - Ha, ha.
Nice girl. Really sweet.
Ha-ha-ha. Your English accent's great!
Yeah, I didn't see that one coming.
Even though I have the first pick. And we can do that Master Cleanse thing...
Oh, oh And I play the game
Doesn't make boners.
For your variable-term life insurance. When you re-up on your death benefit, it--
Are you guys sure Applebee's is the best place to meet horny women?
Yes, I am. I've been bad, Rick. I've been real bad.
- Coakley? He did. - Hey, guys.
No. Not tonight, buddy.
- Be very quiet, but still excited. - Ha, ha.
And you're probably going to regret this for the rest of your life...
Would you do me a favor and not tell Grace that I have disposable income?
What are those?
- The arch? - Yeah.
Guys, guys, relax. This is just the calm before the storm.
You should be flattered. You're 38 years old and you have college guys chasing you.
I wasn't crying, I don't think.
Chili'S.
Calling out and out again
I can’t stand these look-at-how-much-I-own parties. They're obnoxious.
You don't mind if I call you Rick? I am officially an adult now.
Okay, look. I'm taking the bull by the horns right now, okay?
How can I explain?
She was a really pretty girl with these big old floppy tits. Boom.
I love football and it's-- it's just like a teaser, man. There's like--
And they talked
It's like the kids are with the grandparents in Nantucket for a few days.
I'd love to see the look on the girl's face...
My fault. I went against my gut.
'Cause I 'll take any risk
Forget about it. it's an illusion. She's surrounded by stootfish.
And I gotta admit, I lost a little respect for Rick for accepting it.
...so I snuck out to the car, rubbed one out.
Is that why you're here?
Just because your wife isn't faithful to you...
They're all coming out with us.
What?
Okay.
Oh, Grace, no, no. Come on, do we really have to?
Anyway, he's in bracelets.
Do you know how much a polar bear weighs?
Hey, Mr. Mills.
Is she gonna live?
...while I give the babysitter a ride home?
...and her fingernails weren't chewed down to the nub.
Okay. Yeah.
She leaves you on read Starts liking your posts again…
Because she's--
And by a little you mean--?
They're hibernating.
...if her lips weren't shaking...
I don't care. I'm exhausted. I wanna go home.
Which one? What? The one that looks like Chief from Cuckoo's Nest?
Sorry. Oh, God.
- Ha-ha-ha. - Hog-Ass, you okay?
- The grand tour's about to begin! - Come on!
- Ha, ha. Uh-- - We're in.
Rick! Rick! She's gonna be okay!
Thank you for the tip.
- What? Do you think she noticed? - I noticed.
Okay, look. This is some bullshit, okay? I'm out of here, man.
How long would you have to let him blow you?
Well, I mean, kind of.
So ....
Nobody cares about this?
You're not gonna get away with it!
You're headed here. Great.
You found your dream girl, now take her back to the hotel and take care of business.
I know.
- Sleep with a married guy. Ha, ha. - Ha, ha.
I’m Jeffy’s a bad boy. Are you okay, Jeffy?
...that I should be greeting him at the door like some hero.
Oh, yeah, yeah. I'm just spacy tonight, honey, I'm sorry.
- Ooh. The damage we would do? - Ha, ha, oh, boy.
Okay, let's get out of here. I know exactly where we should be.
Robbie switch places With this guy
- That is so soft. - Yeah.
Rick sings push it to his wife Maggie played by Jenna Fischer Maggie if you play that song in the car I would necessarily really have the urge to punch you
- All right. Calm down. - This is my fault.
Rick, enough with the chivalry.
- Paige, I better get going. - What? Where are you going?
Oh, this fucking guy...
if you want but i doubt you'll wanna muck windows.exe up anyway it's not worth mac os x mavericks. do you wanna try a disc that has the right full motion video stuff? yes only since it's the only one left.
Hot.
So, Rick, how's the week off from marriage going?
...or slept in any of the beds this week...
Guys, it was an accident. I'm not paying that.